training day 2

feeling very tired this morning... guess it's too much negative thoughts that's sapping up all my energy. but i don't really want to stop thinking about it. troublesome right? i know i could channel these negative thoughts to more positive ones, like "although he's giving me mundane jobs now, if i do it good and well, he will see my ability to contribute and start giving me more impt tasks..".. but.. maybe i am being biased but i don't see that he will put in effort to help me develop further in my career. it's not on his agenda nor priority.. and neither does it help in his KPI!! things that he delegate down are things that he dun find important or things that are administrative and only needs time not brains to do. these are all so DAMN SAD!!

maybe i am being biased.. maybe i just don't want to believe he will help.. an ex-customer used to tell me that it is very impt to have a good mentor in the early part of one's career and G is a good mentor and I should treasure it. i never really fully understand him but now, i do. G always point out stuff to me and i'll ask further questions to clarify or to learn more. but now, i find he-who-shall-not-be-named so unapproachable that i don't want to ask questions. the message he is sending across to me is,"do your work. don't ask so many questions. the tasks are easy. no big deal. i am busy. i have more impt stuff to do. no time for your whatever-not." sigh, sigh, sigh..
sigh.. leaders that puts in the efforts to think about their subordinate's development are SO SO SO noble. sighz...really not v contented here.. someone said to me the other day, "if a fresh grad can come in tomorrow and take over your job almost immediately, what value do you have?" that's the case for me.. sounds sad right??

anyway, at the same time that i am thinking about these negative thoughts, i am also thinking about my goals... thinking about going to explore something that i was keen in - which is group dynamics & team building. I discovered i was keen in this quite some time back, even during my recent job hunt. but i was trying to find job in an mnc and companies in that industry are usually small local ones. but now thinking back, enjoyment of job and personal growth in the job is more important.

okie, end of training for today.back to office.